When you force the moment to capture what you want…

The last few months I have really had to stop and evaluate where I was at emotionally with 2 of my daughters now out under their own roofs and being “adults” … yes its in quotes… yes its used lightly somedays… but none the less I had some thoughts to share on the topic.

First off your birth daughter vs. your bonus daughter leaving feels different to me, its a different bond, but I truly feel it will be another whole experience with my youngest daughter next year and then my original thoughts are still true… their all my daughters and it all feels the same at the end of the day, your bond with each and every one of your children should be unique and feel different!! Each child needs their love language, their bond and connection will each be different. Learn your child and stay connected… But buckle up because the growing pains are so darn real!

After J and M graduated in 2020 and started their next chapters, it was a large adjustment in many ways. M left for the service and totally disconnected, then reconnected stronger then ever, then things went south quick…. Those thoughts are for a different night.

J on the other hand, I dropped off to college, the dream her and I had always worked toward and so many sacrifices were made to see it all come together, a real dream come true…. to be lied to and have her come home under false pretenses… things in my life went from growing pains and shower cries to sleepless days and nights on end, hours of wondering and worrying, hardship on everyone else around me … because I didn’t process and although I thought I prepared for this new chapter of motherhood, let me be very clear now… I Did Not prepare at all for what transpired. … That’s a whole blog mini series that will be shared in time.

Tonight’s original thought that woke me up craving to share is the image I had painted in my mind of what my blended happy family would look like…

Is it just me? Or does anyone else have an image of what their immediate family dynamic will look like and how they will function… blended in any ways… different ages… well long boring part short I had an image. A really strong and really wanted “image”.

Ok before you judge and stop reading, I will admit I have learned more perspective and hence the title of tonight’s words.

Other writings tell the tale of my journey to R and the blending of our families. Basically what you need to know is I have 2 daughters, R has 2 sons and 1 daughter so together we are a family of 7. As of this date only the youngest is still a minor, living at home.

…Thinking back standing on the pier looking at the dresses blowing in the breeze, all matching and the sleeve cut different just to make each girl still feel unique yet connected.. a color they each could agree to wear, and a totally lucky moment on my part that each dress I ordered on amazon separately came in, and was the right size.. and that the girls would even agree to my proposal for girls day.

The day held high hopes for me. M was home on leave for a week, J was home on break from school, and K had really found her personality even more being the only one at home. I was beyond excited to have the house full and everyone home under one roof, sure I had nerves if I am being honest however my excitement out weighed and overcame the mom nerves.

All my girls home. Amazing. For a little bit…

The “image” I had painted in my mind had been smeared in past chapters and moments, but this week was a new chapter! This week things were going to be different and the image I longed for would happen before my eyes… Right?… That is how the novels and movies always conclude. Well my day was not directed by a Hollywood great… but by the only author I believe to be guiding my days.

The girls were on board. A day of dressing up, photo shoot for fun, and meeting R for surprise dressed up lunch. (R’s mom was with us all day also as she was in town visiting and staying with us, just to be clear on the record for the memory)

I loved the entire plan. I would be able to capture photos of my daughters laughing and being amazing to update my social media and photo screens and show everyone how well we are all doing… I wanted to see my daughters joke and laugh… I missed the sound of their banter in the hallway between bedrooms… I miss the sound of one whispering to cover the other… the 3 different songs coming from the hall at once… the inside jokes I pretended not to understand… and knowing they were with me, safe, healthy, happy, home for a moment I wanted to capture and treasure forever.

Short version on the next part- the highlights:

• Dresses all fit and all 3 girls wore them beautifully
• they laughed some and spent time getting ready but each had their own routine and nobody needed my help
• the weather wasn’t cooperating well
• it was windy
• it was sprinkling rain on and off
• it started raining as we ran back to the truck
• lunch was mediocre food at a chain restaurant on our local strip nothing memorable for my grand day image
• R was surprised but I saw the look of …”ok, but why?” and knew my image was slipping fast

As we ended lunch and our girl time, most everyone had other plans to get to… and I edited images that my camera lens captured… I loved what I saw. My girls. Smiles. New screen savers set. The works, these images were great! Even one with me in it that didn’t turn out half bad.

They did that for me I realized some time later. The smiles and poses and laughs… they knew I needed it and decided to give in… I am convinced that is what happened that day. But I will go on the record and say I am grateful if that’s what happened that day, and I still hear you girls laughing on the pier.

Looking back months later, I have realized I forced a moment. I wanted it so bad I forced my image to happen enough for me to capture it with my lens and force it into my memory and my images of our family to portrait what I wanted to be happening in our lives.

My thought tonight for you my followers is have you been forcing an image?

Is it intentional? Is it healthy?

I found myself aware after I already had been doing it with my daughters in the chapter of growing pains. Realizing this and being able to process and reflect has been an important part of my growth as a mother and as a person. Ask yourself if your projecting your images on someone in your life and it is actually inhibiting your relationship in some way.